Resolution
by woodluvsme
Summary: OneShot written for the New Years at the Cullens challenge on Twilight Ladies. After an argument with Jasper, Edward makes a painful decision.


**DISCLAIMER -- The characters in this story belong to the great Stephenie Meyer. This is just a humble fan fiction.**

I really know how to make a mess of things.

It all started out so perfectly. It was wonderful New Year's Eve night. A night of music, family, and a rather murderous baseball game played in our favorite field in the mountains. What more can a vampire ask for in life?

A storm had come earlier in the night, and we had jumped at the chance to get a game in while we could. While the thunder and lightning raged over the town we only had a light mist and then a clear sky. Alice had called it right again, as if there was ever any doubt. Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle took on Alice, Jasper, and me. Esme refereed as usual along with Bella.

Ah, Bella.

It has only been a week since we hunted, so I thought Jasper would be okay. The breeze was just too much for him. We were in the bottom of the 6th inning when Jasper let loose a low growl and stalked off into the forest. Alice had looked at me then, her eyes wide with panic. Even without her voice in my head, I knew I had to go after him.

Jasper had almost run a mile when I caught up with him. He whirled around to face me with a look of fury on his face. Being able to read his mind, I knew part of the fury was directed at himself. I remember the argument too well...

"_I'm trying, Edward! You know what a struggle this is for me. I love Bella like a sister, but the fact remains she is human! You can't expect me to be around her all the time and not have to fight myself constantly!"_

"_I'm sorry, Jasper. I don't want to lose you, but I can't lose Bella. Isn't there some way we can all exist together?"_

"_You know there is! You can make her one of us! We all voted, Edward, not that that means anything to you." _

"_Jasper, I just don't think I can do that to her..."_

"_Why? Do you like having to watch every move you make? Do you like fighting your thirst every second you're with her? Is this half-relationship all you ever hope to have?"_

"_It isn't like that..."_

"_No? What is she, then? Your pet?"_

I hit Jasper square across the jaw then, and he flew backwards into a tree ten feet away. I just left him there scowling at me and walked away. Deep down, I knew he was right.

I have to make a decision about Bella soon. I've been putting it off for too long now.

She's sitting there now on the sofa with Emmett, watching the New Year's Eve Celebration in New York on television. Any moment now, that big glass ball will drop and it will be the beginning of another year. That doesn't mean much to me, but I know it does to her.

Another year for Bella to grow older, and another year for me to stay the same.

Can't she understand how much she means to me? Of course I want her by my side forever, but at what cost? She is so willing to just throw away her soul like it's worth nothing. How I wish she could understand that her soul means more to me than my whole existence.

She is my life now.

I can't even remember what life was like before her. It may have been almost a century, but those years are nothing compared to the short time I have been with her. It's like I've always walked in darkness and never truly saw the sun until now.

Jasper knows this even if he doesn't understand my motives. Or is it that he understands better than I do?

Bella has no idea about the exchange in the forest. If she does suspect anything, she is keeping it to herself. If I could only get inside the beautiful head of hers...

I want to go to her and take her in my arms but she's having so much fun watching TV with Emmett. Besides, I don't want to ruin her fun with my present mood. I'll just stay here in the chair for now and enjoy my sulk.

I love to watch her interacting with Emmett. He is probably the most human of all of us, and he really lets loose when Rosalie isn't in the room. I'm so glad she decided to install monitors in Alice's new Porsche when we got home. Bella is always more comfortable when Rosalie is gone. It's Rosalie's own fault for acting so, so _Rosalie_.

_You have to make a decision some time, my brother._

Emmett's voice was as clear in my head as if he had spoken aloud. I snapped my head up to see him looking at me with a grim expression on his face. Of course he knew what was going on between Jasper and me. Sometimes I think Emmett is the one who reads minds. He can sure read mine.

_I'm working on it._ I spoke so low there was no way for Bella to hear me, but I looked over at her to make sure. She was concentrating on the musical act performing on the New Year's special and had not noticed our little exchange.

Emmett is all for Bella becoming one of us, of course. The whole family is with the exception of Rosalie. Alice even saw it in a vision over a year ago. They have already welcomed her with open arms and open hearts.

Hearts that do not beat.

How can I let her become one of us? How can I take away the warmth and the softness from her body? The beat of her heart? The tell tale blush in her cheeks that tells me her blood sings only for me?

Then again, how can I not let her become one of us? The older she gets, the more she will resent me. She will probably grow to even hate me one day. What will happen then? How can I let her walk away from me?

I can't let that happen.

What do I do then? I can't continue to torture Jasper and the others with her scent on a daily basis. And I can't leave my family.

If I were to wait just five more months, Carlisle would take the choice from me anyway. He had given Bella his word that he would change her, and I know he will keep it. She will be brought into the family whether I like it or not.

What are the pros to this situation? We would be equals, and I would no longer have to watch my every move to keep from killing her. She would be young and beautiful and with me forever. She would never die. She would never get old or be terminally ill. Maybe I should stop beating myself up about it and just accept it.

Or maybe just accept that I can't stop it.

The only thing that bothers me more than Bella becoming one of us is the idea of Carlisle changing her. A white hot stab of what I have come to realize is jealousy washes over me every time I think about it. I don't want anyone changing her but me. I started out dangling that little bit of bait in front of Bella to try to stall her but I inadvertently put the idea into my own head. Now I can't shake it.

Can vampires get nauseous? I think that's what I'm feeling right now. A sinking feeling deep in the pit of my stomach.

Bella is looking at me curiously as if she can sense my inner struggle . She glanced away but not before the glorious heat infused her cheeks. That beautiful blush makes the back of my throat burn. It also makes me love her even more if that is possible.

I'm going to change her. Maybe I knew that all along. My family will be pleased. And probably relieved.

I'm going to tell her right after midnight. My New Years gift to her.

_5...4...3...2...1_

_Happy New Year! _

The ball dropped to the bottom and flashed 2007. Bella jumped up laughing and threw herself into my lap. She feels and smells so unbelievably wonderful.

"Happy New Year, Edward!"

"Happy New Year, Bella," I whispered, pressing my lips to hers. "Can we talk?"


End file.
